DEALING

I'm here at this moment where I'm wondering, "Is this really how I planned my life to be?" HA, of course not, because if you really have a relationship with the almighty then you already know,whatever you had planned for your life and what he has planned for your life is normally totally different. The good thing about knowing that is, what you planned doesn't amount to even half of what he has planned for your life. So here I am, 34 years old and most of my plans are null and void, but that doesn't even bother me. Of course there has been moments in my life that I would never have put myself through, pain I wish I never had to feel, disappointments that I wish never happened, relationships that I wish were never lost and some that I wish never even happened, friendships that I wish were never tested and some time wish we never met (just being honest). I've learned however, that every situation, every moment and every person was placed in my life for a reason and there has always been a lesson behind the message.

So where do I go from here, well duh, the beginning right. Well not exactly the very beginning, because you see the way my brain in setup, I can't remember everything so my beginning will be a little of this and a little of that, but mostly what has shaped me to be the person I am and what caused me to go down the road and journey that I've traveled. When I sit and really think about areas of my life that has taken me down the journey it falls into a couple categories; Spiritual, Friendships, Romantic Relationships and Parenting.

I've become the Dr. Phil of the group, well I can't even say the group, because I have so many groups, so maybe I should say I've become the Dr. Phil to the people I care about and the people that trust my advice. I love it, I absolutely love being this person, it's funny because if I can get a career where I can do this every day AND get paid for it, BOYYYYYYYYYY would that be the life! For years I struggled to find what God has put me on earth to do and be.  In my heart, I am not suppose to just be doing what I'm sitting here doing (I don't me writing) , I'm not suppose to be sitting at a computer desk, answering calls and helping people with technical support.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for a job, I'm grateful that I work from home and even grateful that I honestly don't hate my job, but it's not fulfilling. Yes I'm helping people be able to be productive for a company. But I would rather help people be productive in their lives, specifically in their marriages and relationships.  Now what does that mean, does that mean I have it all together...ABSOLUTELY..........NOT.  But you know it's funny, I can actually pick characters that remind myself of me so much and it's interesting.  In Sex in the City, I'm definitely Carrie Bradshaw, hands down, I'm the hopeless romantic and writer (see the similarity there..lol), however in Tyler Perry's "Why did I get married" I'm Patricia (Ms. Jackson if ya nasty) PAUSE....WHOA, so how about I just honestly realized that she too writes books too!!! So was not even going that deep when I was looking at how her character reminds me of me. Okay PLAY....Pat (as they call her in the movie) is the one that gives relationship advice but doesn't seem to follow her own, or I should say ends up allowing her own relationship to fall apart. Now let me stop right there to clarify, I didn't allow mine to 0just fall apart, but in this journey there has been some serious down falls of no fault of mine.  Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I'm saying I'm exactly perfect, because none of us are, however I'm always willing to try to make things right in any situation, well not exactly EVERY situation, but normally the ones that I see great potential in.

See right now I'm doing something I normally do Monday through Friday, which is watch Divorce court.  I get this from my mom, she has always been into court shows, so I tend to watch almost all, my favorites Divorce Court with Mrs. Lynn Toler, Judge Mathis, Peoples Court and Paternity Test...lmbo!!!  But my favorite is honestly Divorce Court, but not for the reasons that others may watch it.  There is always normally some good entertainment from the couples or characters I should say that comes on the show, but that's not why I tune in.  Dr. Toler gives some the best sound advice that I've ever heard.  She can break you down to where you are literally looking at the screen thinking, she is talking to me and I'm not even there.  But me being me, I can listen to her and hear myself giving the same exact advice to someone else and still NOT LISTEN for my own life! That has got to be the craziest thing in the world. How can I expect someone else to trust my advice and I don't even trust my own? Well that is actually easier than you think..lol. I think we all have that issue within ourselves where we know exactly what we should do or should be doing but we choose to go a different direction for whatever reason.  Everybody might have their own personal reasons, but I can honestly say that it boils down to fear, nothing more than fear.  It can be fear of rejection, fear of disappointment, fear of truth, fear of what everybody else will say, fear of losing and sometimes even fear of WINNING. Regardless of what type of fear it is, it doesn't make you feel any better about making the decision to either do what you know you should do or even if you don't do it.  You can fight it and make it seem that you are okay with whatever decision you make, but you aren't, NOPE, you're never OKAY, but they will never know it. You will put on that smile and say , I'm good, and you will even say it so much that you actually believe it until something significant happens and it hits you like a ball of fire in the pit of your stomach and reality hits and guess what you can't run from it anymore and you have no choice but to DEAL. Deal with the rejection, deal with the disappointment, deal with the truth, deal with what everybody else says, deal with losing or deal with winning, and you really aren't ready to DEAL. You want to live in the fairy tale that nothing bad happened, that nothing changed, that nothing interrupted the happy moment in your life. But lets face reality, something ALWAYS happens, there always comes a fork in the road and you choose the path that you WANTED to choose, but not the path that you SHOULD have chosen, so now you have no choice but to DEAL with the decisions you decided to make!

Of course there were signs, you got that gut feeling that something wasn't right, but hey it's not in my face, so I'm just worrying myself to death because that's just what I do! Well that can be true in a lot of situations, but in most, it's because you know, you just don't want to know. So what do you do? You put on your big girl panties and you DEAL.


So here I am, Dealing.............but the journey to get here started so long ago, so let's take a ride....


Stay tune!