It's your responsibility to fix it!

My mind has been racing since this whole thing started, and it doesn't seem like it's getting any better any time soon.  I’m no longer feeling the actual pain from the hurt that has been caused, however that doesn't mean it's all good.  It's not all good, not at all and how is it that you don't see that?  How is it that a person can operate as if nothing ever happened, as if they didn't cause the hurt and pain that they did?  You apologized, yes but you weren't remorseful, you weren't apologetic, you were just numb, as if to say, I'm saying I'm sorry because that's what I'm supposed to say.  I'm saying I'm sorry because I know what I did was wrong, however instead of trying to even show that you are worth me TRYING to make this back right, I would rather throw in the towel and walk away.  Yeh that is EXACTLY what you planned.  You say you had no plan but you had a plan, your plan was to pack up and move your things to the same place you moved your things a year ago! Let's not think I'm just that stupid, when I'm totally not that stupid! I wasn't stupid the first time; I just let you THINK I didn't know the truth when we both know I did.  See us as women we have this thing that God blessed us with that called Women's intuition and when that thing hits it's nothing that we can do about it, we can choose to ignore it (which is what I did), but that doesn't mean we don't know.  But see this time I was ready to walk away myself, especially after to seeing the fight you DIDN'T have for me, for us, for this family we were supposed to be building TOGETHER.  I was at a lost, those tears you saw, weren't tears of sorrow or sadness, they were tears of disbelief in who you turned out to be, tears of d@mn I believed this n!gga! Tears of 7 years down the freaking drain, and as you can see there weren't many of them, because again I had dealt with it for the past week.  The crazy thing is this time it didn't hit me like a ton of bricks like the first time. See now I know what you are capable of, I know the pain you are capable of bringing to me.  See the first time I was caught off guard because I actually believed you ! You know how men always say, a woman holds what another man has done to them in the past and put it on them and makes them suffer for it, and well I didn't do this, this time around.  This time around I only made you suffer through what you've caused! I actually believe the bs that poured out of your mouth for 4 1/2 years! Even when I saw the signs, I believed the words that you once said or no, you said those words more than once, you remember those words right? Those words that if you wanted something else you would be man enough to let me know.  Remember you aren't 17 anymore! Any who I can swallow that bs, you know you say a lot of crap when you are confined to a certain area or environment, so I get it.  I didn't want to believe the hype of "prison talk" but hey you win some you lose some right!

 

But here we are yet again and it's like things are swept under the rug as if nothing ever happened! Is it because your world turned upside down in a matter of 24hrs and even though you didn't deserve a d@mn thing from me, I was still right there! I was there when most would have turned their back on you after all the hurt you've caused them! I was there to pick up the pieces of your lies! Why didn't you call her? Why not the house thot? Is it because you would have had to wait 2 hrs. for her to get there? Is it because you didn't want to have to explain to your mom who she was? Is it because you can't trust that she can keep your business to herself, I mean being that she put the rest of yall business out in the open for everybody to see, I wouldn't trust her either?  Oh but wait, you still don't think she spilled the beans do you?  Let me give you a little lesson on Women vs Men, all the acts of what was done was a woman! Don't no man go through all that to expose ANYBODY! That is not work of a man! Men don't research to find the phone number of a girlfriend of a dude screwing their ex, men don't send pics, men don't hate on other men to that level, you are a man right? MEN MOVE THE F ON POINT BLANK PERIOD! That my friend is the work of a FEMALE PERIOD! A female that is tired of being the side chick, the female that wants first place, a female that is tired of having you for a moment and going to bed and waking up without you by their side! That is the work of a FEMALE! But see you were so stuck on the house thot spitting that stupid bs in your ear that you actually fell for it! You actually think because she has a business (if that's what you want to call the thot clothing line) that she wouldn't put herself out there like this? REALLY the same chick that is quick to say F morals, because strippers making 100K a year and driving dream cars are the thing to do! This is who you wanted for even a moment! UGHHHHHHHHHHHH, as I type I get pissed all over again at the thought that you would turn your back on LOYALTY and take the side of a THOT! over what a big @$$, SERIOUSLY! @sses come a dime a dozen, TRUST another one is being made at this very moment, they pumping them out second by second, bigger and bigger! Doesn't change who the person they are inside pimpin!

 

But here we are, you still don’t'; get it! You still haven’t' gotten it! Not once have you done anything to show remorse! Not once have you sent a flower, card, bird signal, etc. You even had the nerve to come home and buy yourself jewelry and thought I was supposed to what???/ be excited for you for getting a deal on a chain for YOURSELF! Not only that, you actually had the nerve to tell me you called your homeboy to tell him about the deal and tell him he might want to come and purchase something for his people! Ain't it funny how you can tell somebody else to buy something for their girl but you thinking of YOURSELF.  It's cool though, because this is normal for you, sad but true. But hey you aren’t my man! NOPE sure ain't! See in your world you think we good....we still a couple! I'll allow you to continue to THINK those thoughts, but in my world, I'M SINGLE! I'm not opening any other doors until this one is completely shut, but I'm no fool! See when I had questions, you didn't feel it was necessary for you to answer my questions because to YOU it didn't matter! You know your selfishness that if it doesn't affect you, then it don't matter. Forget that I needed and wanted those questions answered to give me the closure I needed. But again it's cool, see I've been through enough to know sometimes you have to get your own closure and not depend on anybody else to provide it for you. I can move on without it regardless, just would have been nice that for once you put somebody else feelings and needs before your own, but I guess that's the 21yr old still in you.

 

But still I have no regrets, because I'm me! I'm not going to not be me! I'm just going to be a better me! What does that mean that means with the open heart I have, I can still be there for you and wish you the best, but at the same time look after me and mine only! However this thing plays out for you in the end is not my responsibility, it's yours.  See I took all the responsibility to make sure you were good, make sure you got on your feet, and make sure you were able to accomplish something more than what you would have if you had stayed at home.  God puts us all in people lives for a reason or season and maybe this thing was both! We'll see if our season is up or not, but again that's not my responsibility...that again is yours my friend! 

The KEY to her HEART!

Okay I know I know I know, I've already blogged today, but OMG, I just saw this picture on fb and I was just capatured by it! I would honestly like to know what you all think of this image, I read soooo many different interpretations and they all were wonderful.  It's amazing how you can look at the same image and get something totally different from it.  You know like you see a glass with only half of the water in there and some say it's a picture of a glass "half empty" or "half full" , just depends on how you see it for yourself. 

Well of course I had to dig deep into my own personal life and personal situations and this is what I see.  She has the Key that would free him and allow him to save her, however the Key is the Key to her heart and unfortunately she doesn't trust him with it anymore. She is afraid that if she gives him the key, he will either free himself and run to everything and everybody else or he will free himself, save her but drag her through everything he's already done before. She is being weighed down by all the hurt she has endured from him and the other past relationships.  The water is all the memories, fears and pain that is clouding her head, she's drowning in her own thoughts and fears.  He is being held by himself, his temptations and lifestlye that he doesn't want to let go of , but knows that he needs . He wants the key to her heart just one last time to free himself from it, save her and show her that he is willing to let go of that lifestyle and run away from the temptations in order to be able to show her that she can trust him again.

My Goodness, that was even deep for me! What do you guys see!

Lord I just want to say Thank You!

Well I didn't wake up a billionarie, but I did wake up so that's good enough for me! You know it's amazing the growth you realize when you know God is using you for his good.  Growth, that's the name of the game, that's what we all should be striving for, to be better than we were last year, last month, last week and even yesterday.  This morning I received confirmation of that and I thank God for that. It's not about me, it's never been about me, it's always been about God.  I think we sometimes get so caught up in life and our personal issues that we honestly forget that, that no matter what's going on in the world and in our lives, it doesn't matter! If we focus our minds on what it's all about which is God, then things will workout for HIS good, not ours.  I don't deserve any of the grace I've been giving.  Yes I am a good person, yes I have a good heart, yes I try to do my best by people, but I'm not perfect.  I have done wrong, I've said things wrong, I've had bad thoughts, I've gone down wrong paths, but I've still been givin grace! So if you get nothing from this blog today, just Thank HIM, because even when you aren't looking out for yourself, he is still looking out for you! Even when you're worrying and wondering how you are going to make it and you haven't once thought to just give it to him, or given him enough credit to know that he will work it out regardless!

So anyway, back to the subject at hand! SIGNS, you know it's crazy how things fall into place when you are really fulfilling your purpose.  Maybe my purpose is to write and to reach others with my writing and also helps me to heal scars that I didn't even realize weren't healed.  So this morning as I'm sitting at my desk, supposed to be working right...and as usual I turn on my tv to watch whatever I have recorded on DVR.  Well I decided to go ahead and catch up on the new season of MobWives. Well what do you know, Dertia(one of the few original members) has decided to write a freaking book about her life.  Now her husband is not on board with this idea, but what she said hit home for me and at the same time is the exact same things that a couple of my friends said to me yesterday when I shared the news that I was writing a book.  She said this would be therapeutic for her as she writes this book and that is the exact same thing I feel this will be for me.  Who knew I needed theraphy...LOL. 

Well the book started yesterday, did I already tell you guys that in my last post? I don't think I did, I think I was actually talking about the fact that I'm here DEALING.  Which I love my post from yesterday by the way, somehow I'm wondering in that will be the beginning of my book, like what leads up to the actual beginning, who knows, but I love it! So while talking to my bff Amy yesterday she is actually the one that reminded me of where my thoughts and outlooks changed, she actually brought up memories and emotions that I honestly forgot about it! It was like a surreal moment, I had to sit back and think, "dang she is absolutely right, that is the event in my life that totally changed my outlook on a lot of things".  So yes I have the exact starting point of where my book will begin! I'm so excited about this journey that you guys are about to embark with me. The exciting part is that we are really seriously going to experience this together, because things I've fogotten will be as if I'm experiencing it again all over again, but now I can actually deal with it and understand what lesson it role it played in my life and in the decisions I've made in my life. By the end of this journey I will go from DEALING to WINNING, do trust and believe.

DEALING

I'm here at this moment where I'm wondering, "Is this really how I planned my life to be?" HA, of course not, because if you really have a relationship with the almighty then you already know,whatever you had planned for your life and what he has planned for your life is normally totally different. The good thing about knowing that is, what you planned doesn't amount to even half of what he has planned for your life. So here I am, 34 years old and most of my plans are null and void, but that doesn't even bother me. Of course there has been moments in my life that I would never have put myself through, pain I wish I never had to feel, disappointments that I wish never happened, relationships that I wish were never lost and some that I wish never even happened, friendships that I wish were never tested and some time wish we never met (just being honest). I've learned however, that every situation, every moment and every person was placed in my life for a reason and there has always been a lesson behind the message.

So where do I go from here, well duh, the beginning right. Well not exactly the very beginning, because you see the way my brain in setup, I can't remember everything so my beginning will be a little of this and a little of that, but mostly what has shaped me to be the person I am and what caused me to go down the road and journey that I've traveled. When I sit and really think about areas of my life that has taken me down the journey it falls into a couple categories; Spiritual, Friendships, Romantic Relationships and Parenting.

I've become the Dr. Phil of the group, well I can't even say the group, because I have so many groups, so maybe I should say I've become the Dr. Phil to the people I care about and the people that trust my advice. I love it, I absolutely love being this person, it's funny because if I can get a career where I can do this every day AND get paid for it, BOYYYYYYYYYY would that be the life! For years I struggled to find what God has put me on earth to do and be.  In my heart, I am not suppose to just be doing what I'm sitting here doing (I don't me writing) , I'm not suppose to be sitting at a computer desk, answering calls and helping people with technical support.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for a job, I'm grateful that I work from home and even grateful that I honestly don't hate my job, but it's not fulfilling. Yes I'm helping people be able to be productive for a company. But I would rather help people be productive in their lives, specifically in their marriages and relationships.  Now what does that mean, does that mean I have it all together...ABSOLUTELY..........NOT.  But you know it's funny, I can actually pick characters that remind myself of me so much and it's interesting.  In Sex in the City, I'm definitely Carrie Bradshaw, hands down, I'm the hopeless romantic and writer (see the similarity there..lol), however in Tyler Perry's "Why did I get married" I'm Patricia (Ms. Jackson if ya nasty) PAUSE....WHOA, so how about I just honestly realized that she too writes books too!!! So was not even going that deep when I was looking at how her character reminds me of me. Okay PLAY....Pat (as they call her in the movie) is the one that gives relationship advice but doesn't seem to follow her own, or I should say ends up allowing her own relationship to fall apart. Now let me stop right there to clarify, I didn't allow mine to 0just fall apart, but in this journey there has been some serious down falls of no fault of mine.  Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I'm saying I'm exactly perfect, because none of us are, however I'm always willing to try to make things right in any situation, well not exactly EVERY situation, but normally the ones that I see great potential in.

See right now I'm doing something I normally do Monday through Friday, which is watch Divorce court.  I get this from my mom, she has always been into court shows, so I tend to watch almost all, my favorites Divorce Court with Mrs. Lynn Toler, Judge Mathis, Peoples Court and Paternity Test...lmbo!!!  But my favorite is honestly Divorce Court, but not for the reasons that others may watch it.  There is always normally some good entertainment from the couples or characters I should say that comes on the show, but that's not why I tune in.  Dr. Toler gives some the best sound advice that I've ever heard.  She can break you down to where you are literally looking at the screen thinking, she is talking to me and I'm not even there.  But me being me, I can listen to her and hear myself giving the same exact advice to someone else and still NOT LISTEN for my own life! That has got to be the craziest thing in the world. How can I expect someone else to trust my advice and I don't even trust my own? Well that is actually easier than you think..lol. I think we all have that issue within ourselves where we know exactly what we should do or should be doing but we choose to go a different direction for whatever reason.  Everybody might have their own personal reasons, but I can honestly say that it boils down to fear, nothing more than fear.  It can be fear of rejection, fear of disappointment, fear of truth, fear of what everybody else will say, fear of losing and sometimes even fear of WINNING. Regardless of what type of fear it is, it doesn't make you feel any better about making the decision to either do what you know you should do or even if you don't do it.  You can fight it and make it seem that you are okay with whatever decision you make, but you aren't, NOPE, you're never OKAY, but they will never know it. You will put on that smile and say , I'm good, and you will even say it so much that you actually believe it until something significant happens and it hits you like a ball of fire in the pit of your stomach and reality hits and guess what you can't run from it anymore and you have no choice but to DEAL. Deal with the rejection, deal with the disappointment, deal with the truth, deal with what everybody else says, deal with losing or deal with winning, and you really aren't ready to DEAL. You want to live in the fairy tale that nothing bad happened, that nothing changed, that nothing interrupted the happy moment in your life. But lets face reality, something ALWAYS happens, there always comes a fork in the road and you choose the path that you WANTED to choose, but not the path that you SHOULD have chosen, so now you have no choice but to DEAL with the decisions you decided to make!

Of course there were signs, you got that gut feeling that something wasn't right, but hey it's not in my face, so I'm just worrying myself to death because that's just what I do! Well that can be true in a lot of situations, but in most, it's because you know, you just don't want to know. So what do you do? You put on your big girl panties and you DEAL.


So here I am, Dealing.............but the journey to get here started so long ago, so let's take a ride....


Stay tune!

I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKK!

HERE WE GO!!!!!

Welp folks, it' s me and I'M BACCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!! Hello world, go on a little ride with me why don't you.  So here we are dang near 4 years later since my last post (PAUSE)....how in the WORLD will I ever be able to catch you up on all the time that has passed!!!! (PLAY)....Well I plan to try, somehow, but still have no idea how.  Today I've made the decision to write my book or novel or series....JUST WRITE. Thanks to some pretty cool and important people who are in my life, whom have been telling me for YEARS (no seriously YEARS) that I need to write a book. It's funny that at the time that you first hear it, you're like "yeh I know, I should huh", then you laugh it off and move on.  Then you hear it over and over and over and continue to have the same exact reaction, but today or this evening was different. This evening I got a chance to speak with one of my close friends, I love her dearly and we don't talk daily sometimes not even weekly, but hands down when you have a relationship with God and know someone else that has that relationship too, you kinda tend to want to stick with those people and she is one of those people. Anywho (before we get all mushy with why I love her so much and what our friendship means to me and things she probably don't even realize that I love her so much for)............Anywho while in conversation with her, somehow writing a book came up and you know it hit me that she's right, well everybody that has been telling me to write a book was right! I need to write a freaking book. But here is the problem, where the HECK do I start.  I mean I have so many ideas rolling in my head it's not even funny. First and foremost, I have to pray, like SERIOUSLY down on knees get in my WAR ROOM and pray and ask God to guide me, because at this point if I just start, I know I'll be all over the place.  I have ideas to start from High School, then I thought, nah, it really gets good in College, then I'm like should I do one of all my relationships (romantic ones) , then one on "baby daddy", then on friendships...THERE IS SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT.  Me being the animated person that I am, when I tell a story, I really tell a story, and it can get so JUICY that I'll have you on the edge of your seat, and then in the floor rolling crying, stomach hurting of laughter.  I mean honestly people probably wouldn't even believe the stories I have, to know that they are true and actually seriously happened.  The strength that comes from the stories and experiences that has shaped me to be who I am today. The relationships that have come and gone and come back again.  WOW ( just thought of two and it just blew my mind).

See I like doing this, while I'm feeling you in on what I'm thinking, he's revealing things that I thought I had forgotten about, or revealing experiences that will and change others lives by reading them. See it's amazing what happens when you have a true relationship with him. He will do amazing things in your life, you just let him.  Even not knowing where exactly I'm going to start, I know he will guide me in the right direction and the message will be delivered beyond what I can even imagine.

But in the meantime!!!! Life had been life yall!!! I miss you guys and miss feeling you in on what's been going on in my life. So I'll let you in on a little information, since I seriously left you hanging so long ago.  Ray is HOME!!!! Yes he's home, boy if I honestly started that story, I probably wouldnt' be able to sleep tonight because I have so much to say. But just know that I have A LOT to fill you in on, or maybe I won't really fill you in on it, it'll be a part of the series of books that I will be working on...LOL.  Yep make sure you buy a copy of two , so I can't tell you too much!


Okay so for now, stay tune and know that I will be blogging, mostly to get myself warmed up and back in the mix of writing and to keep you posted on how the book is coming. 

Oh and let me not forget to give you this HUGE news!!!! I have a new baby!!! His name is Bexley and he has four legs...LMBO! I have a Yorkie baby and he is spoiled rotten and currently he is barking at the neighbors..LOL. 

Til next time, which will more than likely be tomorrow! Send up prayers for your girl, that she gets this done and stays on task!

Love yall!!!!

Where are we!!!!!

New topic of discussion.........ME AND MY BOO! UGHHHHHH, where do I even start, being that it's been a LONG time since I've actually blogged about US, there is no way I can really fill you guys in on EVERYTHING that's been going on with us.  So I'll start fresh, from today...yall I really can't say where we are....LOL. I'm laughing but at the same time, I'm kinda like.....ummmmmm, where are we really?  I think we are all grown enough to realize that every relationship is not going to be perfect all the time, BUT we do expect or wish for the good to always outweigh the bad.  And I'm not saying that that's the case or not the case here, I really can't say.  You know what may be considered bad for someone, may not be that serious for others ya know, so you can only measure that by you and you only in my opinion.  Everybody has their woes on what they will or will not allow, what they will and will not do, but at the end of the day you have to look at yourself and only ask the only one that matters which is YOU, not your friends, family, etc, but YOU.  So for me, I ask myself that question, and YES I still want it and still want him and I still want all the things that we've promised one another and all the things that I've wished for.  BUT I'm tired of the same ole crap too.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint, I'm sure if he doesn't have his own blog (lol), he atleast has a mental breakdown of all the things I do and have done to completely piss him alllll the way off...lol.  The issue is however, we don't mean to piss each other off, well atleast I know I don't, but still we both still do apparently.  But after talking about it over and over again, and not resolving it, we have to come to a point where we just agree to disagree.  I know a lot of us (black women), don't really work well with the "agree to disagree" because all that means is "if I can get you to just shut up, without bending to what you want me to agree to, we'll just go along in this order".  I can deal with the "agree to disagree" part, what I can't deal with is, how do we move forward and have a decent conversation after that.  That is the problem I'm having right now, the communication just sucks, it's so blah (my favorite discription, just ask him...lol). I mean one can only small talk but so long, at times I feel like I try to make conversation, no I don't feel,this is actually what happens.  When I see that you aren't going to talk about anything and all you're going to do is ask me the basic every day freaking questions ( how was your day, how was work ,how was little man at school), then I prepare myself to tell you about whatever just to have some type of dialog between the two of us.  Then when I feel the need to really vent and your only response is "oh" or "Well guess we'll see what happens" or some BS like that, that is when I go silent and then we are just listening to one another breathe as if we are in high school! I'm 31 years old, I am so far from high school, if we are not going to have a productive conversation then why are we on the phone anyway.  I would say these things to him, but honestly when I say we've been through this so many times, that it's so not even worth me bringing up again, that's why I just turn to you guys! This is my comfort zone, where I can come and pour out my heart, get it all off my chest and that way when he calls, I don't have to let my attitude immediately take over when I hear his voice. 

We've been at this for going on 4 years now, I mean yes I know I should be use to it by now. I know that I need to be more understanding due to his position in this situation, but D@MN I have a position in this situation also and it's not all peaches and cream on this side either.  I mean I swallow A LOT of what I'm feeling and what I want to say because I feel hey why bring stress his way.  But does that mean it should be okay for him to do the same NO! I mean I want to be in a better place, I'm not keeping us from being in a better place, but DANGIT! he is in my opinion!  SHOOT, I can only do and say so freaking much, without getting an all out attitude about the situation.  I'm always the understanding one, I mean check this out, last week I was hot as FIRE about a situation that was taking place in my life, and I wanted to tell him about it, but then again I felt if I vent this all out and he come back at me with this lame a$$ response, like "oh", "well do what you gotta do" or something like that, I know the words that would have been meant to be intended for someone else, would have fell allllll the way on him, so I decided that I wouldn't even tell him about it.  But part of me feels like I'm being robbed!  Like he is suppose to be my life partner, the one that I should be able to confide in, the one I should be able to talk about ANYTHING to and not feel like he is going to judge or just not give me needed feedback, but I can honestly say I can't.  I know a lot of people get tired of hearing their spouses or even just their friends talk about the same thing over and over again, and may even feel like saying D@mn do something about it then, and I get that, I really do .  But for someone I love, I don't care how many times you need to talk about it, I'll still listen and I'll still give you my feedback, hell and it may be the feedback I've already given, but sometimes that person just needs to talk and may just want to talk to you!  And if that is the case, as a life partner you should be willing to hear it out, whether you agree or disagree with the situation!  Okay, I'm getting mad, when I really can't get mad, since I didn't give him a chance to see what he would say, but knowing me and me knowing him, I'm right, he'd have nothing to say, therefore giving me a reason to be even madder than I already was at the time...LOL.

But guess we'll see how the next conversation goes, maybe it will be better, hell maybe he'll shock me and it be great! Ha! Guess we'll see.


I'll keep you posted!

Still going strong!

Howdy folks!!!! LOL, I'm back yet again with a GREAT update!  So since the last blog, I've really been on my A game.  Normally the likes of me to work out on a Friday is not happening, but since I decided it was time for me to get me together, hey why not!  So I'm here to report, that not only did I work out on Friday but I even worked out on SUNDAY!!! Yeh I said it!  LOL.  Went to church and thanks to my wonderful Bishop Claude Alexander, got that good word in, came home took me a good ole 2 hour nap and decided since the weather was so beautiful(and Alius was itching to get outside), that I would take my little man to the park.  While he was playing, mama was walking, speed walking, 2 miles and a quick sprint to the car (racing my son...lol). That made me feel so good, to know that I'm actually doing this my way and by myself.  The reason I can say that is because the last big weight loss challenge that I went through I decided that I would take pills to assist me (Doctors orders though) and it was the BEST thing since slice bread if you ask me.  And I'm not going to front and act like this go round that I didn't want them again ( because I really did and part of me still does).  But I know that I need to do this one on my own, I mean I've gotten to where I've needed to be before, and although I had some assistance, I still had to put in the work.  I still had to make myself go to the gym daily and workout.  It did help me not eat so much, and I wish I had that now in a way, but in another way I will be so much more proud when I get the ending results of what I really want and KNOW that I did it ALL on my own.  No my eating habits aren't exactly where they need to be, but they are getting there, it's just up to me to continue to do better.  I'm making it a point to work out as much as I do.  I've taken full advantage of my schedule change and I've planned accordingly.

Speaking of that, today whooooooooooooooooooo HUNTY! When I say I wasn't ready for today's workout, I really wasn't ready.  So here we go, I've been doing this workout called 5k workout. What this workout does is get you prepared to run a 5k, now although I'm not really trying to run one; this is a great workout to prepare you IF you wanted to challenge yourself with one.  It's an 8 week training.  So it starts off with like 1 1/2 min jogs and then moves up, so I started week 5 on Tuesday right and normally the entire week is the same.  So Tuesday starts with 5 min jog, 3 min walk.  I took yesterday off ( not purposely), so today when I got to the gym and started my warm up which is a 5 min brisk walk, then we get to the jog ...... now in my mind I'm prepared for a 5 min jog and then 3 mins walk and then 5 min jog, well I JUSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT SO HAPPEN to look down (as I always do, to see how much time I have left), expecting to see 4 mins and something seconds left and I see 7 mins and something seconds left...WOAH WOAH WOAH HOLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDD UP!!!!! Immediately I hit pause on the phone (which is where the app is stored) and hit pause on the treadmill at the same time!  I had to exit the app to make sure I'm not tripping, in my head I'm thinking "oh, I must have selected like week 7...HA, what a joke on myself, yeh I was on the CORRECT week! MAN I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS! On the bright side however that means, I only have 2 runs during my workout (I have to find the positive in any situation, especially when it comes to working out), I CAN DO THIS!  Okay resumes workout and talks myself through the first run.  Okay got through that, now on to my 5 minute brisk walk; this is where I concentrate on my breathing so that I can prepare for my last run.  Yep thought I'd die through that last 3 minutes, I had to really talk myself through it, but I made it!  I tried to concentrate on not breathing too hard, but that last 30 seconds I could care less however....the point is, I WASN'T PREPARED BUT I MADE IT!!!! (Currently playing in my head  ...Marvin Sapp ...I MADE IT THROUGH (and my son's remix version) FOR ME AND YOU...OHHHHHH SO GLAD I MADE IT, SO GLAD I MADE IT, I MADE IT THROUGH FOR ME AND YOU).

So know that ya girl is still going strong, I'm not where I wanna be, but THANK GOD I'm not where I use to be!!!!!

Til next time!!!!

Love ya!