Awaiting the response

So I'm back, still thinking of my break down from the other night.  At 11:09 pm I'm up writing my thoughts and all the feelings that I"m feeling at that very moment.  Did I say too much? , nah it's  best I say exactly how I'm feeling right?  I mean some people say to think before you speak, especially when you are speaking off of emotions right.  But isn't that the purpose of writing or speaking how you feel?  If you hold anything back based off of emotions, wouldn't you just be covering up the truth of the matter?  At the heat of the moment when you're mad, heated, ready to blow, yes I do believe it's okay to stop and think before you speak and regret what you may say, it may damage the other person and yourself for that matter.  But when you are hurting and in pain, why not say that you are and the reason that you are and not be scared of the response.  You can't truly love someone if you don't truly let them know how you feel and how what they did affected you right?  So I did it, I put it all on paper at that very moment and three pages later, the last sentence " I don't know what else to say".  Signed,sealed, stamped, and delievered!

So now I'm wondering, what will be his response, will he be upset that I didn't tell him at the time that it happened, at the very moment that I felt hurt by his words?  Or will he understand and being that we've been at this for three years now, not to be surprised by the fact that I still hold in things that I shouldn't until it builds up to the point where I have no choice but to let it out. It's been four days since we've last spoken and I'm okay, normally I'd be ready to go crazy, but I'm not there, what does this mean? I wish I could answer my own question but I can't.  Part of me wants to talk to him, but the other part doesn't want to talk until I know he's received the 'break down moment" letter.  Part of me feels the discussion over the phone would be normal and I won't really get a response until I get the "response to your break down moment" letter back. Then part of me feels that he may have a lot to say, and would much rather say it over the phone than in a letter.  He's better at that than I, I'm better at putting mine on paper.

I guess when I decide to actually make it available for us to talk, then I'll know huh. Oh well, not ready right now, so I guess I'll just be wondering atleast until the work day is over...LOL.